This is the second and final article in our series of pointers on how to dialogue with teens. Following are seven more tips on building stronger relationships with teens. 

If you missed the six tips provided in the first article, you can find them on our website.  Once at the homepage, click "E-newsletters" and then click the article dated 10/16/2007.  The first six tips were:

1)  Let teens know you are willing to listen
2)  Use questions sparingly
3)  Be accessible
4)  Try not to be defensive
5)  Give straightforward advice or feedback on important  issues.
6)  Use family meetings to full advantage

1. SHOW INTIMACY, DEMONSTRATE LOVE.  As children get older, they may shy away from public and private displays of affection.  But as parent, realize that teens are still kids inside; they need the warm feelings of belonging that come from good touches and hugs.  Make a habit of hugging your children often and saying, "I love you."
2. GIVE LOTS OF PRAISE AND POSITIVE FEEDBACK.  In the workplace, one concept often taught is to manage by walking around.  The idea is to catch employees doing something good and then praise them for it.  The same applies to teens.  Teens need to hear that they do things well. They need to know that you love them for who they are, as well as for what they can do.
3. GIVE THEM RESPONSIBILITIES WITH EVERY PRIVILEGE.   In real life hardly anything of value is free.  Children must learn this if they are to grow into fully functional and contributing members of society.  Otherwise, spoiled kids grow into spoiled adults who lack the maturity needed to positively negotiate and stand up for their needs.
4. TEACH THEM TO MAKE DECISIONS.  As teens mature, allow them to participate more in decisions that affect them.  Discuss their options and counsel them on the consequences.  Once done, allow them to accept the consequences of each choice they make.
5. TEACH THEM TO DEAL WITH INFORMATION.  Teach them to think critically about what they see and hear.  Encourage them to ask questions and dig deeper -- even of adults -- but always in a respectful manner.  In addition, teach teens to sort out and prioritize information.  Doing so helps them learn to set priorities in other areas of their lives.
6. MAKE THEM EARN WHAT THEY WANT.  Teens are often guilty of wanting it all right now.  They see what their parents have, or what others have, and they want it for themselves all by the time they're 20.  Help them see the value of patience and the gratification that can come from not getting every want satisfied instantly.  Do so by helping them evaluate the differences between their wants and their needs.
7. TAKE TIME TO RELAX AND HAVE FUN.  Teens today are involved in so many activities that many have organizers to keep up with their appointments.  It is not unusual to hear teens lament that time moves too fast.  Teens need to learn positive ways to manage stress.  Help your teens understand the value of slowing down and spending time with their family.  Doing so helps build relationships that last a lifetime.

When you find yourself drifting toward silence or violence, stop and ask yourself:  "What results do I really want?"  Then behave as if you really do.

"If you put fences around people, you get sheep." 

William McKnight,
Former 3M CEO

If you want one year of prosperity, grow grain.  If you want ten years of prosperity, grow trees.  If you want one hundred years of prosperity, grow people.

Chinese Proverb

When you find yourself in the middle of an important discussion, don't focus merely on the what.  Also watch for the how.  Learn to see content and process.  As you watch process, pay close attention to how well your tactics are working.  Pull yourself out of the conversation, analyze your actions, and make adjustments.

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