This second in our short series of pointers on how to become proficient in your ability to dialogue detours from our past focus on leadership and organizations and focuses on family.  Because many problems in life result from our inability to engage in healthy dialogue, anything that improves our capacity to connect, listen, and come to a common understanding can have a huge impact on our success at home.  If your relationships at home are secure, your chances of success in other areas of your life are greatly improved.  Following are seven tips on building stronger relationships with teens. 

More tips will follow in the next edition of a Leadership Moment.

1. LET TEENS KNOW YOU ARE WILLING TO JUST PLAIN LISTEN.  Be willing to listen to their ideas without making judgments.  Yes, life is very different for teens today than it was for you in the "good old days", so refrain from staring, appearing shocked, or looking at them as if they've lost their minds when they share some of their deepest, darkest secrets. 
2. USE QUESTIONS SPARINGLY.  Yes, you are older and wiser, however, resist the urge to know EVERYTHING your teen is thinking or planning.  Allow them to express themselves and then ask your advice, if they desire it.  Talking is a way they think things out, so show some trust in their ability to problem-solve.  And when you must ask questions, ask the type of questions that help guide and lead them to forming their own conclusions.
3. BE ACCESSIBLE.   Your schedule is hectic and your to-do list is a mile long, but be ready to listen at almost anytime and anywhere.  Teens often blurt things out or want to talk at strange or inconvenient times.  If at all possible, take time to listen.  Consider these "teachable" moments.
4. TRY NOT TO BE DEFENSIVE.  Teens often think that they are wiser and that parents were born in the dark ages and as a result parents just don't understand.  Therefore, when teens make sweeping generalizations or critical remarks, don't take them personally.  Ask them to explain why they feel that way, or what caused them to reach that conclusion.  These times are opportunities for discussion.
5. GIVE STRAIGHT FORWARD ADVICE OR FEEDBACK ON IMPORTANT ISSUES.  Don't be embarrassed to talk about subjects such as sex, drinking, drugs, and peer pressure.  Talk about yourself sometimes instead of the teen.  Tell them about your own teen memories and mistakes, as much as you're comfortable.  Try not to get preachy and don't keep belaboring the points.  They need to hear you and they do hear you, even if they pretend indifference.
6. USE FAMILY MEETINGS TO FULL ADVANTAGE.  If you haven't set up a ritual of having family meetings, plan to set them up.  These are excellent times to pull everyone together to talk over issues, concerns, and even celebrate good times and accomplishments.  Get input from each person on rules, as well as the consequences of breaking rules.  Sign agreements, try them out, and modify the rules as needed.   

At the center of individual, family,  and community vitality lies one tool:  dialogue.

"We enjoy or suffer the consequences of our ideas, our acts or our hopes, and our fears....I cannot affirm God if I fail to affirm man."

--Norman Cousins

There will always be those who think differently than you do.  Learn to see that as a blessing, and learn to appreciate its value.  When you gratefully, peacefully, and lovingly accept disagreement, it loses its power to control your life.  And you can transform it into something positive that will truly enhance your world.

"Yeah I called her up, she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something.  I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention."

--Harry in
Dumb and Dumber

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