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| Greetings!
In
the March 18 issue titled, "Gender Communications-Closing
the Communications Gap between Men and Women,"
we began this series by looking at behavior differences
in the workplace. In this issue, we will look
at one school of thought about what causes differences
in communication styles between men and women.
To understand why something occurs, one place to
start is by examining the root cause. Today
we will look at how the games that boys and girls
played contribute to differences in communications
style and behavior in the workplace.
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| Society Influences...
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| From the time you burst
forth into this world as a tiny bundle of joy, society
had a hand in dictating differences in how you would
act as a male or female. To start, color-coded
blankets and clothing instantly told family, friends,
and even complete strangers your gender. Fathers
and mothers tend to treat daughters and sons differently.
While girls are, on one hand, taught to be self-sufficient,
they are also groomed to be cooperative, nurturing,
and often more fragile. Boys are taught to be
strong, assertive, active, and often unemotional.
Girl toddlers are more often carried in their mothers'
or fathers' arms, while boy toddlers are more often
encouraged to walk, especially by their fathers. Hardly
ever will parents find it flattering to be told, "What
a big, strong girl you've got there." And
teachers are often guilty of being disparate in their
treatment of boys and girls. Studies have shown
that a teacher is more apt to encourage boys to work
out a problem while girls are guided through the process
to find answers. Though parents, family members,
teachers, and others may carry out these behaviors
unconsciously, subtle messages are sent to children
that shape their future behavior. |
| Child's Play Influences...
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| Think back to when you
were under 13 years of age. What type games
did you play?
Girls' games were often made up of 2 or 3 girls playing
quietly together. As a result, girls learn to
play one-on-one. Friendships were formed and deep
loyalties existed. If disagreements occurred
about which game to play, little girls talked it out
and worked through their differences in a spirit of
compromise. There were usually no time limits
with the games that girls played. There was
no boss, no leader; power was equally distributed.
As a result of playing in this manner, the messages
that girls learned and carry into adulthood and the
workplace are to:
- play fair
- negotiate differences to minimize conflict
- be loyal to friends
- lead by sharing ideas, gathering input, and making
decisions that consider the needs of everyone involved
Boys'
games most often were competitive and required that
groups play against each other. There was, almost
always, a winner and a loser. The coach was
in charge and gave the orders. Rarely, if the
coach instructs the boys to run a play in a particular
way, would one boy say, "Ah Coach, do we have
to run the play that way? Why don't we run it
this way?" Boys learned to take orders,
to be aggressive, to play as a team so that their
group wins. If one boy showed weakness or starts
to cry, other team members would chide him for being
vulnerable. As a result, little boys soon learn
that if they want to be seen as strong and chosen
for the team, they must appear or be strong. Also,
plays were made within a particular timeframe, so
discussion is held to a minimum and is more focused
and goal-oriented. The premise is that when
boys do what the coach says and utilizes their strengths
on behalf of the team, when their team wins, they
all share in the glory and celebration. As a
result, boys learn and carry these behaviors into
adulthood and the workplace:
- To win,
we must compete
- Talk
must serve a purpose
- The one
in charge gets to give the orders
- It's just a game
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| Exceptions to...
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| Yes, there are exceptions
to the rules. Not all girls are raised playing
what might be considered stereotypically girls games
and, therefore, are quite assertive, bold, and strong.
And on the flip side, not all boys were taught to
be aggressive and to play rough and tough. These
individuals, just like their counterparts who were
raised in more traditional ways, bring unique strengths
into the workplace.
IN THE NEXT issue of a Leadership Moment,
we will examine how the different messages received
during childhood might cause misunderstandings between
males and females as they seek to communicate in the
workplace. |
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